My boys are 3 and 6 now, yet I still remember how hard those early weeks and months were (I mean, as moms, do we ever forget?). Here are some things I wished someone told me when I was deep in the trenches of motherhood:

1. Take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I can’t emphasize this one enough. It took me 18 months of being a sahm to hire a nanny to come and watch Julian a couple of hours a day biweekly so that I can focus on growing my business. Sometimes the first step to changing your circumstances means having a difficult conversation with your spouse. It was a hard conversation to have with my husband because how do you justify paying for a nanny when you don’t make any income and being a sahm IS your job? Luckily, my husband came on board. Mama, it was a game changer! Having those few hours to myself — whether I chose to do work or work out on that day — meant that I was able to be present when my kids were around (instead of trying to come up in my mind with a response to an email). I thrive on routine and having predictable pockets of work and family time were very important to me. When I look back I see I already knew all along what I needed. I just didn’t know how to achieve it. I didn’t feel like I had a right to ask. But once I did, I became a better, happier, more fulfilled mom.

2. Motherhood is hard. I love being a mom, but taking care of little people needs 24/7 is exhausting physically and emotionally. Feeling empowered when you’ve made a choice to be a sahm can be hard sometimes and awkward to explain to others. Stand your ground, mama. Remember your “why”. Connect with fellow moms who are pivoting or slowing down their careers to focus on their young families. By sharing our stories and experiences, we empower others and redefine modern motherhood. Raising babies is often undervalued, but it is the most important job in the world, and it’s time our society started seeing it that way. 

3. Everything in motherhood is a season. Knowing that a certain season will pass gives you something to look forward. Those long, sleepless nights, cluster feedings, spit ups, tantrums, picky eater phases, fighting will all come to an end. This evanescent dimension of motherhood didn’t become clear to me until my second baby, and I’ve found it much easier to navigate through those hard days when I reminded myself, this too shall pass.

4. Make mama friends. Don’t compare your parenting styles, but listen, tell others how you feel, laugh, rant, but always do what works for you and your family. I know it’s hard to make friends when you’re an adult and you won’t always get along with every mom. It’s completely fine and normal, and we all feel this way. But I also know you will eventually find a group of moms that will make you feel supported, loved, and empowered on this journey. 

5. Everyone always says, find your village. But what if finding your village doesn’t come easy? We often forget that having a village means hiring your au pair, sitter, therapist, and paying for music, fitness and art classes for your littles ones so that you can meet fellow moms. Not everyone can afford that. Sometimes finding your village isn’t as straightforward. Maybe you live in an area where there aren’t a lot of families, maybe your kids aren’t in school yet. Still, go out and make intentional choices to meet other moms. Find a Fit4mom fitness group in your area, organize a weekly playgroup, go to a story time or a music class at a local book store or a library. Create your own community where moms feel empowered and supported, if there isn’t one around already. It took my 4 years to find and build my village.

6. Invest in your relationship with your spouse. This one hasn’t always been high on my priority list due to financial reasons. Needing every penny to invest in my business, I’ll be honest — I didn’t want to spend $$$ on a sitter and a night out. We don’t have family around so our chances of scoring free babysitting are slim. But in 2020 my husband and I made a resolution to have more date nights. Some of our date nights are simple and entirely sponsored by Trader Joe’s, and on occasion we plan a fancier dinner and a movie kind of a date. 

What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a mother that you think every new mom should know?